How is my college essay? any comments would be awesome?

Okay, you seem to be a good writer, and a leader, but I am going to be honest with you. Colleges go through THOUSANDS of college essays. Yours needs to be strong, from the first sentence. You need to have a strong position and pion about what you're saying, and after reading your essay, I do not feel impressed. You talk about being such a great leader, but start off by saying that you are not sure of the most crucial roles of a leader. What you need to do to prove your leadership is say what makes you a good leader, not just saying how you took a lady's umbrella and walked through a crowd. Not strong enough by itself. You need to make your qualities as a leader obvious. Part of being a great leader is knowing exactly how to be one, and knowing what people want from you. Talk about qualities that you possess that make you an extraordinary, unique, and strong leader. I cannot tell you how many kids write their college essays about being a leader. You talk about your leadership in the hallways and streets, but HOW are you a good leader? Are you kind? Strong? Pionate? Your essay is empty of pion!! Make it more powerful and unique! I do not mean to sound harsh, but I want you to do the best you possibly can! Knock those admissions people of their chairs! Don't just say, "I'm a good leader because I am a role model to freshmen." Put more substance in your essay! GOOD LUCK!